Funny Jokes

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.”

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. “What, no drink for me?” replies the bartender. “Oh, no. You get violent when you drink.”

A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk.She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she returned to the store very disappointed. “The parrot doesn’t talk.”"Did you buy a mirror?” “No.” “Every parrot needs a mirror. “So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot’s cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned. “The parrot still doesn’t talk.” “Did you buy a ladder?” “No.” “Every parrot needs a ladder.”So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage. Another week and a half passed and she returned.”The parrot still doesn’t talk.”"Did you buy a swing?”"No.”"Every parrot needs a swing.”So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. A week and a half later she returned. She was furious! The store owner asked, “Did the parrot talk?”"No!, he died.”"Oh, that’s terrible. Did he say anything before he died?”"Yes.”"What?”"He gasped ‘Don’t they have any food down at that store?’”