Funny Jokes

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging. Samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

1. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
2. If you don’t want to dress like Victoria’s Secret, girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
3. If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad orangry, we meant the other way.
4. It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
5. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?
6. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
7. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.
8. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
9. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.
10. Women who wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
11. When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying “This is our exit” is not necessary.
12. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.”Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the night”.”We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.”The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree.He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating.The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father was a pharmacist.”