Funny Jokes

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, teacher asked students to raise their hand up who can make use of the word “beautiful” twice in the same sentence.

First, she called on little Tom, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.” “Very good, Tom,” replied the teacher.

She then called on little Jack. “My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said. “Excellent, Jack!”

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. “Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, …just f*cking beautiful!

Little Johnny kept getting into trouble for disrupting his third grade class, seems he was regularly busting out obnoxiouysly loud farts.

His teacher kept him after school to have a talk with him and, maybe, resolve the problem. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior, Little Johnny said, “I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I’m proud of it.” The teacher, in a moment of despiration, says, “If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?”

Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Johnny dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done, there wasn’t a trace of chalk dust left on the paper.

Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Johnny peeked underneath her skirt.

“No wonder you won!” he exclaimed indignantly,”you’ve got a Double-Barrel!”

A Priest lost his pet rooster and couldn’t find it no matter how many times he checked around his Parish.

Frustrated, he decided to bring it up during his Sunday Mass.

From the pulpit, he asked loudly, “Anyone got a cock?”

All the men inside the Church stood up!